Dear Abby, March 19 2024, "Relative Offended by Couple's Change to Wedding Plans"

From the Department of Entitled Guests

Link to the original column here.

My take: To recap, a relative of the LW was planning a formal wedding followed by a reception. On the last day for RSVPing, via postcard, the couple announced a “change of plans.” They said they’d decided to keep the wedding private, so guests were invited only to the reception.

The LW thinks it’s “extremely rude and presumptuous” to put guests to the trouble and expense of attending, then exclude them from the wedding itself. Abby appears to agree. She suggests the LW send the couple her own card reading: “Change of plans: Sorry, we will be unable to attend your reception, but we wish you all the best!”

“Their plans changed,” adds Abby, “so can yours.”

Okay, they can, that’s true. And this relationship can descend into a deep freeze, but is that a good outcome? For anyone?

There are a thousand and one reasons why a couple might decide—at the last minute, after hours and hours of planning—to take a wedding private. These reasons include but are not limited to tension in their immediate families; religious conflicts; exhaustion; financial strain; unanticipated logistical challenges; and I could go on but I won’t. The LW can be sure, though, that a change of this significance, this late in the game, did not get made without hours of discussion and probably argument, late into the night, and I’m guessing at least one party was either furious or in tears.

And after all that, the couple gets a snarky card from the LW!

If they do get that card, they will never forget it. Thirty, forty years from now, when they recall their wedding, they’ll still remember the relatives who gave them grief.

What this situation really calls for is Love Your Family. Flexibility, charity, and good humor are wanted here. The LW asked Abby, but on this topic she should read Carolyn, who said it best.

A final note: The bride and groom have obligations, too. Having said the wedding will be private, they had better not invite anyone beyond immediate family, or the uninvited will join the ranks of the Offended Excluded.

Chance this letter is fake: Sounds real to me.