Dear Prudence, January 8 2024: "Sleepless in SoCal."

When it's time to remember that some people are starving.

Original column: Dear Prudence, January 8 2024, letter from Sleepless in SoCal (scroll down).

My take: The LW’s partner, “Luke,” is a lovely guy, but is “unduly embarrassed by random bodily functions.” He “pays dearly for withstanding such pressure during the day”—and now she’s “paying for it, too.”

What pressure is she talking about? Gas. She says he holds it in all day, which she somehow knows, let’s not ask how. As a result, she says he’s wildly flatulent at night, and she can’t stand the stench. Then she has a lot of fun describing the stench (it “could peel paint;” her sinuses are “being power-washed with a mixture of rotten eggs and skunk spray”).

She herself is “able to tolerate a wide range of behavior and conditions.”

So you see how she’s set that up? She’s decided he’s gassy at night because he holds it in during the day. In her eyes, the problem is that he’s repressed, while she’s open and tolerant. So from the start there’s a judgey, quasi-Freudian overlay to her question.

Prudie’s answer, I’m afraid, sinks right down to the level of the question. Prudie writes:

“Unfortunately, you’re going to need to let out a few toots around him, so you can model calm and self-acceptance in their wake. You’ll still say, ‘Excuse me’ and everything. But the idea is to demonstrate that you are not embarrassed.

Once you’ve set the ‘We all have bodies that do strange things and it’s OK’ tone, say, ‘Crazy question but have you ever heard me pass gas in my sleep?’ When he says no respond with, “’that’s weird because most people do at some point. Maybe you’re a heavier sleeper. Anyway, I’ve definitely heard you.’”

Is she scripting a sitcom, or advising an adult? And why is she asking the LW to toot in front of her partner, when she knows that will offend him?

And that “tone” Prudie calls “we all have bodies that do strange things”? Ick! Far ickier than gas.

In short, Prudie is advising the LW to treat her partner as if he were a child. If the LW takes this advice, she’s not old enough to be living with him.

And where’s everybody’s perspective, anyway? Personal life is important, yes, but there are times when we need to remember that people are getting bombed and shot at and generally abused all over the globe. “My partner has gas” is one of those times.

Chance this letter is fake: Fairly high, maybe even more than likely. This wouldn’t excuse Prudie’s answer, though, seeing as how she took the question.